A Box of Search Results

Search terms are like a box of chocolates. You’re often unsure of which box you want to get and spend hours standing in the store trying to make up your mind. By the time you’ve made your decision and you’re back home, craving chocolate, you realize you want the box you decided on not buying, so you’re stuck eating the chocolates from the box you didn’t care for. And you don’t even recognize these strange shapes and flavors, so when you take a bite on the one you think has almonds, it’s fill with nougat, so now you’re met with a double layer of disappointment, covering both the delayed and instant form of disappointment.

What? Search terms? Right. They’re strange, weird, confusing things. That’s why we’re playing a little Search Term Bingo. It’s like last time, but with less fellatio performed on caravans.

Be Back Momentarily.

You know, I’m surprised Google even gave you any search results. In a perfect world, searching for this would lead to a page where Google says it’s currently under maintenance and will be back momentarily.

Fuck You, Geometry

Yeah, fuck you, Geometry! How dare you be so damn applicable and useful!

What If Apollo Justice Didn’t Happen

I would have a lot less to complain about…

Riding Ezio


So How Has Your Day Been Remy Van Ruiten

It’s been lovely, thanks for asking.

PS3 Has Games

Are you absolutely sure? I mean, you had to Google it to be sure and all.

Miles Edgeworth?

I’m not entirely sure what happened here. My guess is that you think you’re searching for Miles Edgeworth, but you’re not entirely sure he’s the person you want to search for, so you’re asking Google if this is what you’re looking for.

Meca Man

Not too many people know this, but the real reason Capcom got rid of Mega Man was the controversial Islamic reboot of the character.

The character caused a gigantic outroar in almost every religious circle in Japan when players found out that, like in every typical Mega Man game, you absorbed the powers of the other enemies you defeated. Instead of Robot Masters or Reploids however, Meca Man featured prophets and disciples from various famous religious stories. The powers gained were such as “The Parting of the Sea”.

Not much is known outside of these details, everyone involved have been relocated to beta test the upcoming Nippon Ichi’s leveling up system.

Ass Assin Creed

This is now the official new name for Assassin’s Creed, no matter what Ubisoft says.

Lawyer Pointing Phoenix Wright

That’s a bit redundant isn’t it? That’s like searching for Shoe Salesman Al Bundy, Jazz Music Frank Sinatra, RPG Final Fantasy, Crime Fighter Batman.

Unless you’re confused with Taxidermist Phoenix Wright of course. Common mistake.

Slime Metal Dragon Quest

Not a Metal Slime, but Slime Metal? Is that some sort of new metal you kids are using these days? How does this work? Is it a special metal crafted by slimes? Is it slimy metal? Personally I like to this it’s some metal sword of a previous adventurer that’s been stuck inside a slime for several years, because yes, an adventurer sucked enough to have died at the hand of a regular slime. After all those years, the metal has been imbued with a very peculiar type of magic that, when you attack, does not quite do much of anything special at all. You’re not sure what it does.

At some point in that narrative, we switched towards Mother’s style of weirdness.

Fucking Casual Gamer

Simple. Give your girlfriend a handheld with a simple puzzle game. You’ll be fucking a casual in no time.

Assassin’s Creed Brotherhood Name

Are you kidding me? You’re searching for Assassin’s Creed Brother’s name? The one you just entered into the search term yourself?

How many more name-ness for something do you need before you’re satisfied?!

Scary Stories Involving Video Games

There once was a guy who bought Superman 64 and played it.

He liked it.

The end.

It’s Quite Fun Sending You Secret Messages Through Search Terms Remy Van Ruiten

How are you doing that, it’s creepy dude. Stop it.

Not cool.


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