The Wild and Wonderful World of Search Results

You haven’t learned anything about mankind until you’ve seen what they’ve got in their search history.

I’ve been wanting to do one of these posts for a while now. I get some incredibly odd search results from time to time, and I’ve been waiting for a time to just dive in and write about them. These are all real, and they’ve all led back to this site. It might sound odd to you that people would search things like these, unless you own your own website or blog. Then chances are these will seem normal, or heck, even tame.

So, let’s begin!

remy nintendo

That’s my old name, before I started diving into other gaming system. Now I’m Remy Video Game, taking you back to the past, to play some games that sucked ass. Not to be mistaken for the Angry Video Game Nerd, previously known as the Angry Nintendo Nerd.

cooking meth

Apparently, I’m an expert at this. Many people come to my blog searching for recipes, pictures of people cooking, and basic ideas involving the cooking of meth. I wish I could teach myself these secrets, because meth sounds like a goldmine. My only experience with the stuff is through watching Breaking Bad. I guess that already makes me an expert. Cool.

how do you write a list of movies you’ve seen

Okay, this is a tough one. It takes years of training to master the discipline needed to perform this task, and many an aspiring list-writer has died in their attempt to create this list. So sit down, grab a notepad and get ready. Okay, you ready? Good.

You sit down and write a damn list of movies you have seen.

That’s all there is to it. You go over to IMDB, or any other site that has a database of movies, and write down the movies you recognize and know you have seen. If you’re a complete weakling, like I am, you use a site like to keep track of this list and ensure there are no duplicates. Then when you’re done, you cry in shame as all the memories of shitty movies you’ve seen comes flooding back.

are we liking jamie lannister more?

I don’t know. Are we? Why are you asking me? I don’t know what we think of Jaime. I don’t even know who we are. Who are you? Where am I? Who am I? Am I?

Personally, I started liking Jamie Lannister more around the third book, when his character became a lot more handy within the story.

remy van ruiten fellatio performed on caravan



dexter in the dark logical explanation

Okay, I just find this one hilarious myself. If you haven’t read the books and only know Dexter through the TV series (lucky you), you won’t get what’s so funny here. Let’s just say logical flies out the window with these books. Especially when it turns into an urban fantasy tale later on.

I haven’t read Dexter in the Dark yet myself. I’ve only recently struggled through Dearly Devoted Dexter, but I’ve heard horror stories of the later books.

remy losing your memory blog

… I do no remember writing about that.

This creeps me out.

how to keep desktop from being in the floor

Stop throwing your laptop across the room. Or even better, buy a goddamn desk. It’s not that hard.

stories which are like computer games

Not stories that play out like computer game stories? Or stories from video games? Or stories that make grammatical sense?

Maybe you’re looking for Scott Pilgrim. Or that episode of Dexter’s Lab in which Dexter finds his way into a Tron-clone. Or Tron. Otherwise I have absolutely no idea what you’re on about.

remy van ruiten likes dick

I do, it’s true. I like a big, marinated, medium-rare cock every now and again.

… What?

remy van ruiten hello how are you read my search

Hiya! See, I use this powerful tool called internet magic. For several years I have confined myself to MySpace Solitude until one day the internet seeped into my soul, kinda like Freakazoid. Instead of turning me into a lunatic super hero, I instead gained the power to see through internet searches about myself.

Not the most useful super-power. Certainly not one that’ll help me solve crime any time soon, but it does the job well enough.

how many followers do you need to be tumblr famous

Get out of my internet. Right now. We don’t need your kind here around these parts.

something similar to tumblarity

Actual blogging? Twitter? 4chan?

Oh, crap. I just said the F word. So much for rule 1 and 2.

ezio auditore sex

Hmmmmmm. It’s the beard isn’t it? It’s such a sexy thing. Not to mention that sweet Italian accent. That sense of danger that can only come from one trained to kill for a living.

… What?

is darkly dreaming dexter same as show?

Let’s put it this way. The first episode has all the depth of the entirety of the first book. And then explores it fully, before ending in a different conclusion with the same main bad guy. So no, I’d say not. And I’m thankful for that.

gay people in ruiten



how to find your tumblarity 2011


Still caring about Tumblarity. Seriously guys, I hope you don’t do this.

al bundy is my hero

I love you.

you play as a young boy

Something tells me that I am very grateful you decided to stop writing the rest of your search there.

are the games in the soul blazer series related

I’m not sure. Let’s see.

It’s called a series. Three games released by the same company on the same platform with the same general control scheme. Same core ideas represented in the story. Same concept of resurrection, and souls.

Probably not.

testimonies of adults who grew up without video games

… And they went straight to jail for their crimes. They did not pass Go. They did not collect $200.


3 thoughts on “The Wild and Wonderful World of Search Results

  1. Pingback: A Box of Search Results « Remy van Ruiten

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