Some time ago I decided to do something I’ve always been against doing. Okay, this is making it sound a bit extreme, but still, it’s a time-consuming effort and I really couldn’t see it worth being all the effort put into it. I started keeping a list of all the movies I’ve seen.
If this doesn’t sound like that big a deal to you, then you’re either underestimating how many movies there are out there, or you started keeping a similar list at a much, much earlier age before you saw that many movies. That, or you haven’t seen that many movies. In which case, I don’t know you. I don’t think I’ve seen that many either, and to me starting this list felt like some extremely brutal form of self-inflicted torture.
No really, it did. You don’t want to do anything like this to yourself.
I made an account on iCheckMovies, and started keeping my list. It was a lot easier doing it on a site than say, on a piece of paper, since you won’t run into the problem of adding the same movie several times. Less duplicates is always a good thing when making a list. Plus the site had some lists of movies out there already, going to those lists and just checking off everything you’ve seen on those lists speeds things up a bit already.
Okay, so you decided that, despite the earlier warnings, you want to make a list like this.
I put together a quick, comprehensive guide featuring everything you need to know to make an amazing movie list yourself. Just follow these simple steps, and you too can show off how many movies you’ve seen!
First off, you could try just remembering everything you’ve seen. There’s a good chance you’ll be out of ideas before you reach 100 movies. You might even feel lost before reaching 50.
So you start looking at lists, checking everything you’ve seen based on that. Your list is shaping up, you’re nearing triple digits now. Well done, that is quite an amazing feat! The only problem is that there are only so many lists you can go through. 101 is a cool number for dalmatians and all (wait a sec, let me add that movie now), but it doesn’t quite even scratch the surface of that monster list of movies you’ve seen that you’re trying to make here.
This is when you bring in the heavy machinery.
And by heavy machinery, I mean you go to the list of all of the movies listed on the site and work your way through the alphabetical listings. Hey, there’s only 417 pages on this thing, so it can’t be that bad, right?
Wait, you’re 200 pages in and you’re still on the letter A. This is not a good sign.
Yeah, you just done goofed. 417 pages is a bit few in hindsight. That’s just the movies starting with the letter A. The letter B is waiting for you with 679 pages. Have fun!
After banging your head on the keyboard, you may start thinking that going to IMDB, looking up actors and directors, and adding the movies you encounter that way. Sounds a heck of a lot easier. And guess what? It actually is!
You’re blasting through titles you’ve seen now, you’re getting to a nice round 300. Spartans are saluting your efforts as you manage to add the one embarrassing Sean-Claude Van Damme movie after the other. Still, you’ve seen these movies, it’s only fair to add them. Plus a 12-year-old you deep down somewhere still enjoys these movies, even if you’d rather stab out your eyes than admit that.
Okay, you’ve run out of ideas on IMDB, you never want to spend intimate hours in the middle of the night with C-words, and you’ve exhausted most of the “movies everyone should see if you’re culturally deprived” list you could get your hands on. You’ve only got two options left at this point.
You can either accept that this is as good as it’s going to get. This list of 412 movies is good enough. Or you can scour that old inactive forum’s “Recent Movies You Have Seen” list to dig up some of your old posts and see what you can get out of that.
Hours later, you managed to somehow shake some extra movies out. Now you’ve got stuff like Beverly Hills Ninja, the Mighty Morphing Power Rangers Movie, and The Next Karate Kid added to your list! Actually, in hindsight, you kind of wish you had completely forgotten about those movies, but who cares? You’ve managed to get your total up to 463.
You’ll likely feel both angry and ashamed at the same time at this point. Don’t worry, this is normal. This is list is still nowhere near complete, and nowhere near as high as you had hoped. It likely never will be either, but you can at least use the fact that “this isn’t even anywhere near everything!” as an excuse as you keep adding a movie or two a day to the list. And the movies you’re adding at this point aren’t that great either, this is why you couldn’t remember them at first. Years of mental conditioning allowed you to seal the memories of these movies away, and now you’ve dragged them out again.
Slowly, you’ll come to accept yourself as failure of a movie fan. Or at least a movie fan with a failing memory.
And accepting that is the first step to a better life.
I kind of forgot where I was going with this.