So… What can I do now?

Vacation time has come and gone. Today I’ll be back at work. Preparing, cooking and serving food, while quite possibly also washing the dishes afterwards. That’s the fun thing about working at a small, yet understaffed restaurant. That and having trouble calling in sick, getting days off even when they’ve been planned and discussed ahead of time and rarely getting paid on time. It’s a fun life to be leading, that’s for sure. Still, it’s a heck of a lot better than the jobs I’ve had before that.

I’m kind of in a period where every other second the thought “So… What can I do now?” comes back to me. No matter what reply I send it off with, it keeps coming back to me, as if it’s hopeful that this time I’ll have a better answer. It’s a tiring process, but it keeps repeating itself. Work will probably drive it away for a while by exhausting me. At least, I hope it does. It’d be nice to have my mind to myself again.

At least I’ve turned this vacation into something memorable, unlike the previous years where I really didn’t do anything at all. I don’t think I’ll ever forget Escapism, the meet-up with Claire Swaffield or the time spent in Sheffield with Sky. It was an amazing time, and I’d go as far as to saying that it’s changed me. I’ve come back a different person, it seems.

My experiences there have given me something I’ve never really have. Confidence. Not only that, it’s led to me an achievable goal for the next half year, or if things don’t work out the way I plan them to, year. Despite having launched this blog to try to give me a space to write more, I wasn’t overly confident about my English either. Spending a week in a place I could only survive by speaking it has changed that as well.

The dynamics with people I’ve known online for ages has changed as well. It’s not like I couldn’t see them as real people before, but seeing a lot of them in real life does change things up quite a bit. It made things a lot more real than they were before. Since I’m planning to see most of them again in the future, it’s not as much escaping from reality as much as it used to be. It’s become part of my reality now. It’s funny how I’m still reading most of their writing in their voices now. I expected that’d wear off by now, but it hasn’t. Although I have to admit that with a few people it does help that I’ve heard them over Skype recently.

Confidence. It’s nice to know what that feels like for once. I noticed almost everything I do has changed since coming back. Things tend to work in my favor more. People notice me a lot more. That and I can wear hats. I never could do that before, but that’s just one of the cool perks. I’m curious how this is going to pan out at work though. One of the people I work with is one of those men hating females. The kind that can’t stand a men with confidence and does her best to drive every inch out of them as fast as she can. That isn’t the reason I lost mine though. That goes way back to school when teachers would tell me I’d never achieve anything and would have the entire class do a test over if I had a better score than the rest of the class. According to him I shouldn’t be able to know the answers because he kicked me out of the class and made me study in the hallway when he explained those things to the class. Having that kind of teacher twice in a row early on in your school life does this to you. No problems with confidence now however, I may not like where I am in life now, but I like myself enough to drag myself out of it.

My main problem at hand currently is money. I need it. A lot of it. I think it’s pretty obvious what my intentions are at this point. Especially after the last two posts in the series about my time in England.

I want to move there.

That’s my current goal. I’m sure lots of problems will arise while I prepare for it, or even when I am moving, and still even more after. I’m not afraid of any of them. They’ll just be obstacles to overcome to reach my goal. Seeing them as that makes it easier to realistically deal with them, rather than my previous course of action, panicking.

What am I going to do there for a living? I have no idea. I also have no idea what to do for a living if I’d stay here either. At least if I go on with this current goal, I’ll keep myself active. Learn a thing or two. Maybe while the ball keeps rolling, it’ll go right past the goal and strike a decent chord or two.

I have no idea where I was going with that, but you get the idea. I think it’s a good idea to get some activity going in any case. So there.

Keeping into that frame of mind, I’ve been going for more walks and doing some proper exercise. The last big walk was a 30km one. I left the city by foot. Sadly there weren’t too many interesting sights to be seen during the whole walk. Flat grasslands, sheep, mist. That about covers it. I’m planning to stay in proper shape for next time I’m hitting Sheffield. Last time we got to the other side of the hill. Next time I want to get to the next hill on the horizon. Considering it took us about 4 hours to get to where we were, that’s quite a challenge. Not sure if it would be a good idea to drag Sky along for this though, she was really tired after this walk and I don’t think she’d survive more than twice the distance and survive.

But that’s all possible stuff for the future. Let’s talk about now.

Right now, the biggest question is what direction to take with this blog. I had it easy the last two weeks. Or well, three weeks. I was on vacation for the first one, and the later two I spent writing about that vacation. I’ve gone through all of that now, so I’m going to need to be original and actually think about things to write about again.

I’ll probably try to get back into reviewing again. I loved doing that and want to keep at it. I might try to post a short story on here soon enough. I have one lying around that I might use as a filler post if the first week of work tires or stresses me out too much to update normally. Don’t expect too much from it, I’m really not that great a writer. I really should write more, it’s the only way I can improve on it.

That’s about it for now. Let’s see where time will take this blog to, hopefully my life can hitch a ride along with it.

I’m trying to get a Monday, Wednesday, Friday thing going with this blog by the way. Give myself a bit of a deadline, so I’ll have to post. Also, it’s to prevent me from making too many posts in a row during the first half of the week and then not writing anything anymore. It’s been working quite well so far, I expected it to fall apart during the first week.


2 thoughts on “So… What can I do now?

  1. Having recently lost my job of 7 years, I was faced with having the “What do I do NOW?” moment. I have been a mechanic, and a teacher for my adult jobs, but now I identify with “teacher” more. All that I applied to now have been teacher jobs. I have gotten the occasional “go be a mechanic” comments, and 1 semi-job offer (from a staffing place. in the US those jobs don’t pay as much). Also, I don’t want to be a mechanic. Someone suggested Tattoo Artist. I’m kind of looking into it.
    Good luck with your goals of moving to England! I hope you work it out to do so!

    • Yeah, after years of having been a cook, people are trying to cram me back into that as well. That’s the last thing I want to go back towards.

      Teaching and mechanic, huh? That’s an interesting mix fields you’ve got there. Tattoo artist sounds awesome too.

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